My Girl
by Kara
Summary: Companion to "Sistahs"--Jondy's side to "And Jesus Brought a Casserole"


My Girl  
By Kara (anyalindir@aol.com)  
  
Spoilers: Thru "And Jesus Brought a Casserole"  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Dark Angel and all its characters and creations belong to Fox and Cameron, not this technical writer  
Summary: Jondy's story. Set pretty much in the same universe as "Blood for Blood" and "Sistahs," etc. There will be more, I promise. :)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
You're on my mind tonight, Maxie girl. I think about you a lot, especially since Zack won't spill much on where you are or how you're doing. Every now and then, our big brother would let something slip about the others when I'd call to check in, but Zack's lips are pretty sealed when it came to you. He wouldn't even say what that thing in February with Lydecker had to do with you, but I know that somehow you're at the heart of it. And I just want to make sure you're safe.  
  
I hope you're well, baby sister. Something in my hyped up genes says you're not though. I got the same feeling the night we broke out of Manticore, when I saw you fall through the ice. It was the same pain I felt when the gun went off, killing Eva. We've always been tight-all of us. But something about you and me, Maxie…  
  
We were the nocturnal X-5s. Not even Ben or Krit could say up til dawn like we did, though they tried. Krit fell asleep in my lap that night we went to the high place, and you and I watched the sun rise. Even when we were small, I'd huddle under the covers with you in the barracks at night, when we thought the guards weren't looking. We didn't talk about much, because we didn't know much, but you were always there for me, and as your big sister, I knew that it was my job to make sure nothing happened to you.  
  
When I had to leave you that night we escaped, I think my heart broke. For a moment, when Zack split us all up, I thought he'd take you, since we all knew you were his favorite. But he didn't. He sent you with me, and I was grateful to him. It was you and me, and my ten year old mind thought that that was all we needed to make it in the world. I couldn't even feel the snow beneath our bare feet. The laser sights hunting us down didn't faze me. I had my best baby sister at my side, and we were gonna take the world by storm.  
  
Did you ever doubt we'd make it out? It all happened so fast, Eva grabbing the gun, Zack hitting the guard… I still hear glass breaking some nights, the pounding of feet not moving in unison, see the rush of ground coming up to meet me. Maybe that's why I still don't sleep. I know it's why I didn't mind night shifts at the bar-it gives me people to talk to, and helps chase away the demons.  
  
Why did we stay up? I think it was a nightmare about the nomalies downstairs, waking up and not wanting to scream, because then the guards would come, and they didn't like to hear us scream. I don't know how old we were, but it was before they moved us to the barracks. We were out of the cribs, but still had those cots on the floor in the room where the ladies watched us all night. I remember waking up to see you thrashing beside me. I think it was your first seizure, or the first that we noticed. You always got them worst than the rest of us. I wondered, sometimes, why Lydecker wouldn't let them take you away, like they did with Jack. But you always managed to triumph, no matter what new training torture Manticore threw at us.  
  
I've moved to San Diego now. I figured that was far enough from Frisco that I should be safe. If I moved too far inland, I'd miss the ocean. My old apartment was a dump, but it had a great view. When I first saw the Golden Gate Bridge, I thought it was that magical path to the Good Place that Ben was always talking about. I guess the child in me that never got to exist still kind of thinks of it like that. I didn't wanna leave, but I knew I had to. We always have to. But I think I'm one of the twelve people who actually thank whatever petty gods there are for the Pulse…  
  
I live alone, just like I always have. I can't stand having someone cramp my style, even if it means that I live in a hovel and work double shifts at the bar to make rent. At least this little town's cheaper than San Fran. One time, I even swore I saw someone that looked a little like Jace, even though we left her behind at Manticore.   
  
I'm always afraid that if I live someone, something'll happen. What if Lydecker catches wind of where I am, and tries to use whoever I'm close to as bait? I heard about what happened with Brin. Zack still bitches about that when he's actually feeling social. He even came to see me once. Our big brother grew up to be a hunk of man. But somehow I doubt that any of us are ugly. If you're going to genetically-engineer the perfect soldier, why make him ugly? Syl's grown beautiful. I saw her sometimes when I lived up north, since she spent a winter in San Jose. But you, baby sister? Did you grow up to be something to steal our big brother's heart?  
  
I see a lot of stuff when I'm tending. You'd be surprised to see who comes in that late at night. Sometimes, the folk are social and want to talk. Some nights, it even reminds me of us when we were small, dreaming about the world outside Manticore. Did it shock you as much as it did me, the first time you saw the real world? I'm still thankful for that first sunrise over Gillette-the one that made us free. I'm lonely now, since I'll never really be part of this world, and the friends and lovers that come into the bar. I know I can never be close to them the way I was with you and the others. But every day, when I see the sun rise, I remember Manticore and the demons that we escaped, and I'm thankful again.  
  
Have you found love yet? Something tells me you have. I always thought you'd fall hard for someone if you let yourself. As realistic as we were trained to be, and as dangerous as our life is, I still think I'll find that guy someday, the prince we used to dream about that would rescue us from the clutches of evil King Lydecker. But what guy would get involved with someone who isn't even human? If my hunches are right about what Big Brother won't say, you might have found someone like that. Hold on to him, Maxie.   
  
Some nights I have this sense of peace, like all is right in the world. Ever since Zack contacted me three years ago, it's almost like I've been reconnected to you. No one knows exactly what Manticore programmed our brains to do, especially since we were so highly-trained in stealth and nonverbal communication. What I feel might even be just wishful thinking, but sometimes, I swear… I even dreamed of you once, like it was in the old days, but we were all grown up, and we talked… And I woke up that morning with tears on my face. One more reason I don't sleep-so that the ghosts don't talk to me at night.  
  
I guess that's why I have this feeling of unease, like something horrible went down. I tried the contact number, but Zack hasn't called me back yet. If I don't hear soon, I'm heading up North. Something tells me I'm needed there, and it's not like I've got a family holding me here.   
  
Stay safe, Maxie. Whatever you're in, fight it, just like you've fought everything else. I want to see you again someday, baby sister. I know if anyone can, my girl will survive.  



End file.
